.. doctor say ive another 1year to go...
F*.. what the hell did i do in my past to deserve this suffering...
i wish i could be strong...
but its just 2 much...
maybe i should start to meditate...
maybe god ask me to see myself away from being with my body...
go on a destiny of a detachment..
detachment with peace of mind...
detachment away from life desire...
detachment from ALL DESIRE.
reminding me of suffering and death ...
reminding me of cycle of life...
i wish i would understand which path i should follow...
shall i try to be a monk? maybe i can detach myself from my suffering...
god.. why use this way to enlighten me?....
isnt there any better way?....
2 comments:
day 3/365 -
still f* feeling everytime after bath and sleeping time..
why the hell its taking so long????
WHY????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
day 5/365 -
mmm it seems that every night or moment i think hard to solve some issue or feeling like im lacking of work or didnt do enough ... my body slowly heat up...
and flare up occur..
seems like i've developed my remedy...
doing some laugh out of blue.. seems to distract my thinking, and slowly cooling down my thinking and body temperature...
sooths out the itch.. mmm
but i've to always keep this mindset so that it doesnt flare up.. or keep the flare up to minimum...
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